


A Sudden Change of Heart

by anditwasstinky (thewicked)



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Crushes, First Time, Free! Kink Meme, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:28:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewicked/pseuds/anditwasstinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin doesn't expect to fall in love with his sister's too-nice boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sudden Change of Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for this prompt on the kink meme: http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/893.html?thread=768893

It doesn’t matter how many times Gou texts him – Rin isn’t going to answer.  Does he give a shit if she’s suddenly the manager of Iwatobi’s pathetic excuse for a swim club?  Fuck no.  Rin has better shit to do.

The texts keep coming, though, and when Rin finally checks his phone, there are thirty unread messages from Gou.  _Wow._

After he sorts through all of the stupid emojis and updates on her precious swim club’s progress (they still placed fifth at the last meet – Rin’s hardly impressed), he tosses the phone aside with a scoff and lays back on his bed.  Nothing important, just as he’d predicted.

When he returns from a run later that night, Nitori informs him that he needs to sort out whatever bug his phone has, because its incessant buzzing is keeping him from his usual pre-dinner nap.  “I’m not smart enough to know anything about phones,” he says in that irritatingly self-deprecating way of his, “But even I can tell that it’s messed up.”

Rin growls something vaguely threatening that sends Nitori scrambling out of the room with a squeak.  As dumb as he is, he _has_ grown on the older teen – but no one’s going to hear that from Rin himself.

Checking the phone, he finds another eleven unread messages.  _Where’s the fire_ , he thinks as he opens the first one, sent only a few minutes after he’d left for his run:

_Onii-chan okaasan wants u to come home for dinner 2morrow  xx_

Rin heaves a sigh before moving on to the rest:

_Pls don’t ignore this it’s important 2 us!!_

_There’s a surprise guest bet u can’t guess who it is x_

_Cmon onii-chan just say you’ll come_

_A simple yes would suffice u know_

_Stop being such a dick!!_

_I’m gonna disown u if u don’t answer in the next three minutes_

_Three…_

_Two…_

_One!  I’m disowning u :P_

_Btw okaasan says I can’t but she will if you don’t come 2morrow haha :D_

He decides to leave them in suspense, anyway, turning off his phone and heading for the bathroom to shower.

**

Rin’s disappointed when Gou doesn’t even _pretend_ to be surprised when he shows up for dinner the next evening, just gives him a slightly disapproving once-over before flouncing off to finish setting the table.  “What was that for?” he snaps, scowling and grumbling to himself as he shuts the door behind him.  Like hell he was going to enjoy this stupid dinner.  He’d had to leave practice early in order to catch the right train, and already his muscles were protesting the skimpy workout.

“Musuko, help your sister with the table,” his mother calls from the kitchen, and Rin complies, even if he heaves a very irritated sigh before moving toward the dining room.

“My special guest should be here any minute now,” Gou announces, pointedly watching Rin from the corner of her eyes.

“Huh?”  Rin flinches at the glare she shoots him, but it’s hardly his fault for failing to remember _everything_ she tells him in his inundated inbox.  Really, she could learn a thing or two from Haruka.  Correction: she _should_.

“My special guest,” she says through slightly clenched teeth.  “That I told you about last night.”

Rin shrugs.  “Okay.  Cool.”

“You could stand to be a bit less blasé about it,” she snaps, and Rin smiles despite himself – he missed getting to bicker with his little sister.  It seemed he’d forgotten how fun it could be, pissing her off like this.

He reaches out to give her shoulder a playful nudge.  “Calm down.  Who is it?  A friend?”

“You could say that…”  She smiles slyly at his look of abject horror, a giggle escaping when he only continues to stare.

“Calm down, it’s nothing _scary_ …”  It’s her turn to push at his shoulder, but he only narrows his eyes and resumes arranging the table in stony silence.  “Onii-chan!”  She tries waving a hand in front of his face, but to no avail.  “Onii-chan, you’re being _stupid_ –”

She’s interrupted by the doorbell, her face freezing in an irritable snarl while Rin simply looks at her as if she’s sprouted a pair of particularly foul-smelling appendages.  “Shouldn’t you get that?” he asks when the doorbell rings again.

“I…”  They hear their mother calling out for someone to get it, and then Gou’s scurrying down the hall, her face almost as red as her hair by the time she gets to the door.  Rin’s craning his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of this magical guest of Gou’s, and he thinks he sees brown hair –

“Gou!  It’s great to see you,” Tachibana Makoto says with that stupid tilt of his head.

“Gou!  What the fuck?”

“Rin!”

“Sorry,” Rin says in a hurry before hissing to Gou, “Seriously, what the fuck?”

“Onii-chan, you know Makoto-kun,” is all she says, simpering as if she hadn’t just brought the _one_ person Rin can _barely_ stand –

“Uh, hi, Rin,” Makoto says, and at least he has the decency to act slightly ashamed as he rubs the back of his neck.  “Surprise?”

“What do you mean, surprise?” Rin asks, his eyes dangerously narrow.

“I – Gou – you – did you…?”

“Not _yet_ , Makoto!”  Gou’s giggling has become a little hysterical as she hugs the giant currently occupying Rin’s childhood home.  She aims her grin at her older brother.  “Makoto confessed to me almost a week ago and we’ve been dating for a few days now, and it’s pretty great, he’s really sweet and he’s _so_ considerate…”  She continues to babble while Rin continues to glare at his former friend, who looks as if he sincerely regrets agreeing to come.  “And all of our friends were surprised, of course, because even I was surprised when he confessed, but they’ve all been really supportive of it, and even Haruka-senpai smiled, or, at least, I _think_ he smiled, it’s always so hard to tell with him –”

“Gou.”

“Onii-chan?”

“Do us all a favor, and shut up.”

“I…”

“Hey, give her a break,” Makoto pipes up, blushing anew when Rin gives a silent snarl.  “She’s just nervous, okay?”

Deciding to cut the poor guy some slack, Rin gives a final roll of his eyes before turning back to the dining room.  “Whatever,” he drawls, doing his best to come off as the haughty elite swimmer he’s become.  “It’s not my life you’re bringing down.”

Rin smiles to himself when he hears Makoto quietly tell Gou that it isn’t worth fighting her brother over an insult aimed at him; it makes Rin wonder how grew to be so big, lacking balls as he does.

Dinner is a supremely awkward affair, with Gou and Mrs. Matsuoka being the chief participants in the conversation while Rin stares Makoto down and Makoto, well, tries not to bolt from the table.  There’s a lot of talk about the Iwatobi team and some guy named Rei, and it’s all Rin can do not to spit all his food out because _of course_ their fourth member is a guy with a girly name – Rin’s all but certain it was Nagisa who instigated this, knowing that Haruka would be preoccupied with the temperature of their pool and Makoto would be preoccupied with keeping Haruka out of the freezing water. 

“How’s your swimming coming along, Rin?” Makoto asks, that stupid blush of his coming up again when all Rin does is look up from his food with narrowed eyes.

“You have to ask?”  Rin laughs once through his nose, contemptuously smirking at Makoto across the table.  “I’m the best swimmer on my team.”

“That’s… that’s really great,” Makoto says, and Rin’s slightly surprised to see that he means it.  “I’m happy for you.”

Gou catches Rin’s surprise, smiling sweetly at him before turning to Makoto.  “Your times have improved, too, haven’t they?  You placed third in the 200m backstroke at the last meet, didn’t you?”

Makoto’s blush intensifies, and he looks down at his food as he answers, “Yeah, but that was only because the person who _actually_ placed third got a DQ for kicking during his turn.”  He looks up at Rin from under his eyelashes, adding, “I think it was one of your teammates.”

Rin leans back in his chair, thinking.  “Yeah, Mizushima was _pissed_.  You might want to avoid him at all costs,” he adds, “because even though you didn’t do anything, he might put you in the hospital for taking his medal.”

Makoto blanches at that, and Gou glares at him while he starts to laugh.  “What?  Gou, I’m _kidding_.  Like Makoto’s going to run into anyone from Samezuka in frigging _Iwatobi_.  Besides me, of course,” he adds with a lofty shrug.

“Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try being _nice_ for a change,” his sister snaps.  Rin watches as she gives Makoto a reassuring pat on the arm, which he acknowledges by placing his hand over hers.  It’s such a grossly couple-y thing to do, Rin thinks, so he turns back to his food with a grumbled, “Whatever,” as his mother tries bringing up something else.

**

“Well, that was certainly interesting.”  Rin can hear Makoto from the kitchen as his sister sees him to the door.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out?” she asks, and Rin can see the petulantly pleading look on her face as clearly as if he were standing there with them.

“Ah…”  Rin smiles to the dish in his hand, knowing that Makoto’s hesitation is all his doing.  “Maybe another time…”

Rin doesn’t hear anything else until the door clicks to a close and Gou comes stomping back to the kitchen.

“You know, you really are an asshole,” she says.

“Careful, Gou, you don’t want Okaasan to hear you cursing like your wayward older brother, do you?”

“Just be nicer to him next time, okay?  I – I really like him!”  Rin scoffs, but her look of supplication becomes one of anger, so he just shrugs.

“Fine, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a total douche.”

**

Rin doesn’t know how it happened, but when he finds himself tagging along behind Gou and Makoto as they walk down the street holding hands, the only thing he feels is a vague sense of irritation.

 When Gou had invited Rin to join them (physically showing up at his dorm room after he’d ignored the twenty messages she’d sent), he’d simply put his hands behind his head as he contemplated the ceiling.  “Now why do you want me to third wheel on a date with your boyfriend?  That’s kinda weird.  Actually, no, it’s not _kind of weird_ , it _is_ weird.  Very much so.”

“Do you want to come or not?” she’d snapped.  “’Cause if not, then we have to find someone else.”

“What the hell are the two of you doing, anyway?”

“Makoto had plans to go to the zoo with his brother and sister today, bought tickets and everything, and now they’re sick to their stomachs, so they can’t go, but _someone_ has to use the tickets.  So I thought to myself, ‘Hey, onii-chan sure doesn’t spend much time outside of swimming and antagonizing others, so maybe I should be a good sister and invite him out for something fun.’  But now I know I was horribly mistaken, so now I offer you my deepest and sincerest apologies.”  She mimicked a bow before turning for the handle.  Rin heaved a sigh.

“Gou, wait.”

She turned around, a knowing eyebrow tweaked.  “Yes…?”

“Let me find my shoes.”

And, thirty minutes and a train ride later, Rin was at the zoo, stuck watching animals hide from the heat as his sister and her – Rin refused to call Makoto her “boyfriend” – meandered on ahead, sharing stilted conversation as well as a popsicle.

Now he’s standing in front of the tiger exhibit, where the animals aren’t even visible as they lurk in the shade, cleaning themselves without a thought given to the people watching them.  He’s bored out of his mind, he lost Makoto and Gou nearly an hour ago, and he’s about ready to off himself, perhaps by climbing into the tiger enclosure and offering himself up as lunch.

“You’re not contemplating suicide, are you?”

Rin jumps, and he scowls when he finds Makoto tilting his head in his direction.  “How would you know?” he grumbles.

“You had the same look in your eye as Haru gets whenever he spends too much time away from water.”  Makoto gives a slight chuckle, as if his friend’s acute hydrophilia was anything but absurd. 

“Um.  Okay.”  Rin turns away from Makoto, mostly because those kind green eyes are just… too kind for Rin to look at for a prolonged period of time.  Maybe it’s because Rin’s heart is too much of a shriveled rock to stand the kind of compassion a person like Makoto exudes, or something equally deep and meaningful.  Even when they were kids, and Rin still had a shred of decency left in him, Makoto had always been annoyingly concerned about everyone’s welfare, looking out for the team and making sure everyone was happy – it was just too much, Rin thought.  Makoto may have had good intentions – who is Rin kidding, he _still_ has those same intentions – but he smothers people.  He smothers Rin, at least, and God knows how bad Makoto is with Haruka, especially after they’ve grown up together, isolated from Rin and even Nagisa throughout middle school.

“Rin?”

“Huh?”

“I was asking if you knew where Gou’s gone off to,” Makoto says, shyly hugging himself as Rin focuses more intently on him.

“Are you saying you’ve lost my sister?”

“No – no!  I – I just…”  Makoto looks over at the tigers in their hiding places, his face turning a violent shade of pink.  “I mean, yeah.  I… I lost your sister.”

Rin gives a frustrated sigh before walking away from Makoto, saying over his shoulder, “Then I guess we’d better find her.”

**

They search for over an hour, and Rin _swears_ they’ve covered the entire fucking zoo (how big can the Iwatobi zoo even _be_ , for fuck’s sake), but they’ve still come up short by the time they’ve circled back to the tigers.

“Where the fuck is she?” Rin bites out, returning a scandalized mother’s glare with his own before turning back to Makoto.  “I mean, did she _leave_?  Did she just ditch us here?”

“I don’t think she’d do something quite like that,” Makoto says thoughtfully.  “We probably just missed her as she was coming out of a bathroom, or buying some food.”

“Please, Makoto, if you get any more pessimistic, I’m going to kill myself out of despair,” Rin deadpans.

Makoto laughs.

Which unsettles Rin a bit, because the whole time they were looking for Gou, he was so… so _nice_.  And _decent_.  Which should _not_ surprise Rin at all, but he hadn’t been able to help the weird feeling the settled into his stomach as Rin had watched Makoto politely ask people whether they’d seen a girl about this high, with long magenta hair like that young man over there pulled back into a ponytail, and they didn’t tell him to fuck off, sorry not sorry, they actually frowned and looked like they regretted not being able to help this nice, huge young man.  And while Rin wasn’t exactly shocked that Makoto had this effect on people, he _was_ a bit shaken by how Makoto behaved throughout it all, how he never once got angry at Gou for disappearing, just more and more worried as she stayed missing.  Rin was starting to feel bad for acting like such a dick to him all the time.

“Have you tried calling her?” Makoto asks, nervously biting a nail as he studies Rin for a reaction.  “Texting?”

“Shit, no.”  Rin pulls his phone out, and sure enough, Gou’s sent him eight messages.

_Onii-chan have u seen makoto??? He disappeared on me_ _L_

_Hellooooooo has makoto come to you crying and begging for help in finding me yet??_

_What is the point of u even having a phone I s2g_

_Omg have you seen the penguins?? They’re so cute they remind me of nagisa-san wbu_

_If u and mako are laughing about this right now I swear I will get u grounded somehow_

_I’m boooooored pls find me x_

_Ugh I give up I’m at the food stand just come and GET ME I’M DYING_

_Btw I saw u and mako looking clueless by the sun bear but didn’t say anything just to spite u_

Rin practically growls as he reads each message, and by the time he finishes he’s absolutely seething.

“What is it?  Was that Gou?”

“Yes, it was,” he mumbles from underneath the hand scrubbing over his face in frustration.  _Such a pain in the ass..._

“What’d she say?”

“That she saw us looking clueless by the sun bear and didn’t say anything just to spite us because we ‘weren’t looking hard enough for her.’”  Rin starts to roll his eyes but has to stop halfway through because Makoto is suddenly invading his space, bending over his shoulder to look at his phone’s screen.

“Really?”  Rin feels his hair move across his cheek with Makoto’s breath, which _really_ tickles, and he all but jumps out of his skin when Makoto leans in even closer, reaching an arm over Rin to tap at one of the buttons.  “Sorry,” he mutters, and no, Rin doesn’t feel Makoto’s chest as his ribcage expands to let in more air, and _no_ , it isn’t making him breathless.  He’s just out of breath from running all over the zoo.

It’s not until Makoto’s moved away that Rin realizes he was sniffing his arm, the whiff of chlorine and kid’s soap making him a little woozy.

“I guess we go to the food stand, then,” Makoto says, smiling down at Rin as if he’d discovered Gou’s location on his own, without the help of a text sent by the girl herself.  Rin doesn’t know what to say as Makoto leads him down the path, his roiling gut telling him the hand on his forearm is something he shouldn’t ignore.

**

Rin declines the next time Gou tries dragging him along on some inane outing with Makoto, claiming he has an upset stomach and he doesn’t want to ruin the mood by puking all over one or the both of them.  When Nitori asks him why he lied, he simply shoots the underclassman a glare and rolls onto his bed, facing the wall.

Of course, the real reason Rin doesn’t want to go out is because he doesn’t want to see Makoto.  Whatever it was that happened when he’d leaned over Rin’s shoulder to poke at his phone had left Rin deeply unsettled, and now every time Rin thinks about him – which isn’t much, why the fuck would he be thinking about Makoto, Makoto’s too stupid to be anything but nice to everyone and that pisses Rin off a _lot_ – he feels this weird burning sensation in the pit of his gut that leaves him feeling slightly giddy and just a little sweaty. 

He goes for a run that night, hoping the cooler night air will help clear his head, but the breeze coming off of the sea keeps pushing his hair against his face, tickling his skin exactly as Makoto’s breath had –

Rin stops, gasping for breath as he waits for his heart rate to slow down.

**

Two weeks later Rin’s about to injure his neck trying to scan the crowd of swimmers for a flash of green, and he almost falls into the pool when Seijuurou claps him on his back with a hearty laugh, saying, “Keeping an eye on the competition, huh?”

Rin side-eyes his captain, seriously wondering how this idiot even managed to gain such a respected position.  Tucking a stray lock of hair back under his cap, he says, “Just trying to see which schools are here, is all.”

“Your Iwatobi friends are over there.”  Seijuurou points a thumb over his shoulder, in the one direction Rin hadn’t looked.  “Go say hi to them.  And say hi to your sister, too!” he adds, his face coloring slightly.  Rin only pities him, though, because there’s no way his sister is going to downsize to a guy like Seijuurou when she has a guy like Makoto.

“Rin-chan!”  Nagisa’s the first to spot Rin, which isn’t a surprise, even though Nagisa is probably the smallest swimmer at the meet.  Rin looks out into the stands with an expression of pained patience on his face as Nagisa comes to a stop in front of him, grinning like an overeager child at Disneyland for the first time.  “How are you, Rin-chan?”

Rin ignores Nagisa completely as he spots Makoto watching him closely, and he quickly turns away, addressing the first person he sees: Haruka.

Which, in hindsight, was a truly horrible, _horrible_ idea.  Because as soon as he sees that blank, slack-jawed look he’s spouting off a bunch of bullshit about seeing him in the pool, being better than the rest of them, deserving it all with the hours upon hours of hard work he’s put in, how Haru’s going to regret even showing up to the meet, Rin’s going to beat him that badly.  And the worst thing is, Rin _knows_ he shouldn’t be saying these things.  He knows that if he just stopped this ridiculous ego trip he’s been on ever since he returned from Australia, the three of them would still welcome him with open arms, would still consider him a friend despite all of the shit he’s put them through.  Even as he yammers on about victory and leaving the Iwatobi team in the dust, his brain is yelling at him to shut up, shut _up!  Makoto is right! There!_  But he can’t stop, even as his face turns red from a mixture of embarrassment and shame, his eyes focusing on Haru’s intensely blue eyes, or, no, they’re kind of teal, more green than blue…

Gou shows up, then, and yells at Rin to get the heck out of their spot, he doesn’t swim with them anymore, he is the _enemy_ , and Rin all but tells her to fuck off as he storms away, his cheeks stupidly red as he feels Makoto burning a hole into his back with his eyes.

When Rin places second in the 100m free, he has to excuse himself, walking away from an incredulous Seijuurou even though he’s still needed for the upcoming relay.

**

“Rin?”

_Fuck._

Makoto’s taking a tentative step into the bathroom, the loud cheers echoing in from the pool going quiet as the door shuts behind him.  “Rin, are you in here?”

“The fuck do you want?” Rin asks, not moving from his spot on the toilet.

“I just… wanted to see if you were okay.  You looked upset.”

“I _am_ upset.  Now leave me alone so I can silently bitch until I’m needed for the relay.”

Rin hears footsteps, because God damn it if Makoto isn’t the most stubborn nice person Rin’s ever had the misfortune to meet.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Rin sees his flipper-sized feet stop in front of his stall.  “Are you sure?”

“Dude, just go away.  I’m not talking to you.”

He hears something hit the stall door, and it takes him a moment to realize Makoto’s resting his head against the plastic veneer.  “Okay.  Just… just know that you can, okay?  You may be our rival now, but you were one of my best friends once, and I still care about you.  I just… wanted you to know that.  So.  I’m gonna leave now.”

Rin doesn’t speak as Makoto’s feet slap against the wet floor on his way out.  As he listens to the commotion outside swell and shrink with the motion of the door, he feels as if his heart has swollen, can feel it pressing against his chest, his throat, his stomach, and he wonders if there’s something wrong with him.

**

It hits him when he’s walking behind Gou and Makoto again, and the strange sense of déjà vu pissing him off only adds to the feeling of indigestion currently fucking up his gut as he watches the two lovebirds, their clasped hands swinging in the dead space between them and making Rin’s stomach flare up in a fresh bout of annoyance.

It occurs to Rin that he’s never seen the two of them kiss; he’s never seen them do anything besides hold hands or moon at each other, never heard them talk about anything but their stupid swimming club or their stupid friends.  He’s never seen them share one of those moments couples have when everything stops, when nothing matters except for the two of them sitting right where they are, like this completely irrelevant moment of shared eye contact and synchronized breathing was fated to happen between them. 

It pisses Rin the fuck off, to put it frankly.

He’s watching their hands swinging in time with their gait, Makoto having to slow down as Gou’s forced to speed up in order to stay in synch.  His eyes watch their fingers intertwine, watch as Gou’s give a tiny squeeze, which gets returned by Makoto, then echoed by Gou, and so on.  And just.  Rin really thinks he could do better.  He’d at least try rubbing his thumb along the side of Makoto’s hand, just a slow, steady stroke to set his nerves on fire, to remind him of the chemistry they share…

It hits him, and, “ _Fuck_!”

“Rin?”  Gou’s letting go of Makoto’s giant fucking hand, twirling around to watch her brother as he falls over himself trying to run away, putting a hand on Makoto’s arm when he jerks to start following.  “Let him go,” she says quietly.  “He’s too stupid to understand anything you’ll have to say, anyway.”

**

Rin falls onto his bed, biting back a scream as he kicks his legs a bit to let off some of the energy.

Why the _fuck_ did it have to be Makoto?

If Rin’s being honest, he’d always thought this would happen with Haruka.  All of those victory fantasies, those daydreams of the day he finally conquers – well, Rin would be lying if he didn’t admit that at least one of them ended up in some hardcore making out.  Rin’s pretty sure it’s the fact that Haruka’s always just so fucking _stoic_ all the time, not appearing to care about anything or anyone, and Rin had wanted to make Haru feel _something_ , to show some kind of expression on that expressionless face.

But Makoto?  _Really?_

Rin honestly feels like dying rather than developing this train of thought any further. 

_Makoto?_

But now all Rin can imagine are broad shoulders blocking everything out, gentle hands checking that Rin is okay, Rin is safe, Rin is happy, those same gentle hands brushing against all of the right spots, lifting one of Rin’s legs up and _thrusting_ –

Rin gasps, his hand flying to the raging boner that’s trying to burst out of his pants, and he’s so uncomfortable that if Nitori walked in on him right now, he’s pretty sure he would end up committing murder.

“Fuck…” he croaks, palming the erection and gyrating into his hand.  With a furtive glance at the door – what the fuck does Nitori _do_ on Thursday afternoons, anyway? – he yanks his pants off and locks himself into the bathroom, turning the shower on full blast just in case his clueless roommate decides to stop by.

Rin all but falls onto the toilet, his underwear somewhere on the floor behind him, it doesn’t matter because he’s stroking, his eyes are closed, he’s imagining bigger hands around him, a bigger body on top of him, its heat making him sweat, a flash of green before everything goes blurry as he rolls a hand over his balls, tightens the ring around his cock and he goes up and down, swirls a thumb around the head, smearing the precum as he pictures something vaguely huge and green touching it with its tongue…

Rin shudders, and then he’s coming, he’s making a mess, he’s seeing well-developed biceps as someone strokes his back, their touch lingering on his hips as they make their way down to help him finish, help him pump himself dry as he leans his head back, mouth open in a silent scream.

Well-developed biceps…

At least Rin knows he and his sister share more than just their killer good looks.

Finished, Rin slumps on the toilet, totally clueless as to how to even _begin_ to sort through the things he’s feeling in this bathroom, covered with his own spunk and Makoto’s name hovering on the edge of his lips like the ghost of an unspoken prayer.

**

Rin is so distressed when the realization of what he’s done hits him an hour later that he actually starts to cry, whether out of shame or anger or despair or joy, he can’t even begin to tell.

**

He can’t look Makoto in the eye the next time he sees him, and Rin’s pretty sure his hand still carries a whiff of semen as he reluctantly claps Makoto’s shoulder, halfheartedly returning the hug he’s currently engulfed in.

And fuck, of _course_ Makoto gives great hugs.  It feels _amazing_ , Rin thinks, and he feels so safe and secure in the circle of Makoto’s giant arms –

He’s let go too soon, and his heart is stuttering in his chest as Makoto gives him that ridiculous titled smile, and _no_ , it isn’t cute, it’s childish and dumb and he should really do it again because the way his eyes crinkle up when he does it is really nice.

“Are you ready?” he asks, looking at Rin as if his answer is of the utmost importance, and Rin feels himself start to flush as he looks away from all of that undivided attention.

“I… yeah, sure,” he mumbles, and when Makoto gives a slight giggle in acknowledgement he cringes at the flurry of butterflies it sets loose in his stomach.

Then Makoto’s off to the arcade, where Nagisa and Haruka are waiting for him, Nagisa enthusiastically calling out for Rin-chan to come on already and come in, they’ve been waiting so long to start!  Rin catches the stoic _hmph_ coming from Haruka’s direction as he crosses his arms and turns away, but Rin’s really trying to behave this time, so he bites his lip as he walks past him, looking straight ahead and ignoring the cool glance sent his way.

Everyone else is inside already, and by everyone else Rin means Gou and that new guy, Rei, who’s so hopelessly in love with Nagisa that Rin feels infinitely better about himself and his current situation.  At least _he_ doesn’t go lobster-red every time Makoto comes within a meter of him.

It’s still really weird, admitting to himself that he has a… _crush_ on Makoto, but he’s getting used to it, or he thinks he is, and anyway, Rin is certain that plenty of other people have jerked themselves off thinking about a sibling’s partner.  Totally normal.

Rin isn’t even entirely sure how he ended up agreeing to come here – well, that isn’t entirely true, because Rin knows that it’s all Gou’s fault for sending Makoto to invite him.  “We’re just spending some time together,” he’d said, blushing a little when Rin started to screw up his face.

“You already spend all of your time together,” he’d responded with a haughty glance to the ceiling, “What makes this so special, and why do I have to come?”

“Well, we still…”  Makoto paused, and Rin was worried that he’d put his foot in his mouth again.  “We – _I_ , and Nagisa too, I think – we still consider you our friend.  And I thought it’d be nice to include you.  That’s all!”  He laughed, scratching the back of his neck, and Rin wanted more than anything to kiss him, to tell him to forget the others, the two of them could spend the afternoon together in Rin’s bed.

He’s starting to regret keeping that thought to himself as he sits in a booth nursing a slurpee while the rest of them go from game to game, smiling like a bunch of happy kids enjoying each other’s company.  Rei’s still suffering Nagisa’s friendly attentions, Haruka has done nothing but win at the claw machine, and Gou and Makoto are playing skeeball, giggling to each other as they compete without really competing.  It’s all so stupid, and as Rin takes another pull on his straw, he considers just getting up and leaving.  He’s bored out of his mind, Makoto isn’t even paying him any attention, and he’s starting to get itchy all over watching him laugh so merrily with his sister.  It isn’t jealousy – at least, Rin is never going to admit that it is.

He gets ambushed on his way out by Haruka, of all people.  “What,” he snaps.  “Am I not allowed to leave?”

“You were watching Makoto.”

 _Shit_.  “So?”

“If you do something to hurt him, I’m going to hurt you.”  Haruka’s gone before Rin has a chance to respond, the door closing behind him and shutting Rin out, leaving him with an odd hollow feeling in his chest.

 _Don’t be stupid.  It’s just Haruka being Haruka.  He’s weird._ Rin takes a shaky breath before starting across the parking lot, figuring it’d be better to just wait for the next train to Samezuka by himself rather than inviting everyone by announcing his departure.  So he’s surprised when he hears someone running after him five minutes later, the slaps of their feet on the pavement growing louder as Rin lets them catch up.

“You – ” Makoto’s panting, and Rin waits for him to catch his breath, his hands braced on his knees as he looks up with a smile.  “Why’d you leave?”

Rin shrugs, looking away when Makoto’s concern becomes too much.  “I was bored.  Everyone else was having fun and I didn’t have enough money for another slurpee _and_ a train ticket.”  He glances down at Makoto’s hunched form.  “Big whoop.”

“You could’ve said something.”  Makoto straightens up, and Rin has to bend his neck in order to keep looking at his face.  “I didn’t want you to feel left out, is all.”

“Yeah, well…”  Rin casts his eyes down as he shoves his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.  “It’s not a big deal.”

“Do you want me to walk you to the train station?”

 _Yes, yes, oh my God, yes_ – “No.  I’m good.”  Rin tries to keep the bitterness shredding his insides from showing on his face, but he isn’t so sure that he’s succeeding, since Makoto looks like he’s about to insist.  Rin clears his throat, hoping the warmth creeping onto his face isn’t what he thinks it is.  “They’ll miss you.  I’m fine by myself.”

“Okay.”  Part of Rin is disappointed that Makoto so readily respects his wishes, part of him finds that it’s kind of turning him on, and another part of him is _really_ glad the issue isn’t pushed because the way the setting sun is giving Makoto a halo is making it hard for Rin not to push up onto his toes and kiss Makoto right on the lips.

“I’ll… see you later.  So.”  Rin nods his head, not sure what else to say.  “Tell everyone bye for me.”

Makoto gives a wave as Rin starts backing away, and as soon as he turns around Rin heaves a sigh that borders dangerously on a pathetic moan of despair.

**

He decides to sulk for a while, ignoring Gou’s messages and Makoto’s attempts at voice mails at all costs as he cycles through eating, swimming, and sleeping, snapping at Nitori to mind his own god damn business for once when his roommate starts voicing his concerns.

“But Matsuoka-senpai looks so sad, I thought I might try to help.”

It’s all Rin can do not to let out a roar of frustration and knock the kid out of his upper bunk.  “Help me by leaving me the fuck alone, got that?”

“S-sorry, Matsuoka-senpai!”  Nitori crouches down in his bunk, and Rin feels a little bad for mistreating the poor guy.  But not bad enough to do anything about it now.

He goes for a run, hoping the monotony of it will calm him down, but that plan goes to shit as soon as he reaches the center of town and sees a streak of magenta that makes him stop.  Instantly, he wishes he’d simply kept going, because even though he sees Gou without Makoto (which is totally cool, Rin doesn’t want them attached at the hip for fuck’s sake), he sees her out with _someone_ , a girl from the looks of it, and they’re holding hands, Gou is blushing furiously, giggling like he’s never seen her giggle with Makoto, and it takes all of Rin’s concentration to stay quiet and leave Gou alone and _not_ start screaming and crying and demanding why she would do something as underhanded as this.

She still sees him when she turns around, her eyes going wide and scared to match his, and then he’s running away, refusing to stop and listen as she shouts for him to come back.  He’s trying to keep it together as he sprints back to the school but the tears still come, and he doesn’t even know _why_ , it’s not like _he’s_ the one Gou’s hurting – his heart constricts nonetheless, and by the time he’s slamming himself into his empty room he’s choking out sob after sob, utterly baffled by his behavior.

**

The messages won’t stop.

_Onii-chan P L S talk to me!! I can explain!!!_

_It isn’t what u think just CALL ME AND I WILL TELL U_

_Stop sulking and be a man god_

_I thought we were getting along since u came back pls don’t be angry w/ me_

_Her name is atsuko she’s really nice and I really like her pls onii-chan_

_I hope u realize I’ve been crying I hope ur happy_

_Ur really a dick did u know that_

_ONII-CHAN_

_I promise everything will make sense if you GIVE ME A FREAKING CHANCE OH MY GOD_

He even gets one from Makoto:

_Gou-chan said u were upset about something? Do u want to talk about it?_

Rin just rolls onto his other side, staring at the wall, feeling morose.  He feels shitty, his eyes sting from crying, and he’s pissed to hell because it’s completely ridiculous to have this kind of reaction.  He just… really doesn’t want to see Makoto’s heart break.  His heart might break, too- that is, if it hasn’t already, if this melodrama of his is anything to go by.

His thoughts are cut short by a staccato tapping on his door.  Wiping his eyes and running a hand through his hair, he gets up, and when he sees Gou’s stubborn frown on the other side of the door he lets out a groan.

“Seriously, _why_ do you have a phone if you’re never going to use it?” she gripes, pushing her way into the room as Rin looks on, a little stunned.  She sits on his bed with a glare aimed in his direction.

“What?” he demands when she doesn’t say anything.  “Why the fuck are you here?”

“I had to tell you what’s going on so you don’t keep acting like an idiot,” she barks back.  Then she’s sighing, her eyebrows shifting as she goes from furious to defeated.  “What you saw – ”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I know what I saw, Gou,” he snaps.  “How could you do that to Makoto?  When he’s been such a gentleman to you?  He’s so caring, and gentle, and compassionate, and you’re doing this behind his back?  What’s going to happen when he finds out?”

“Rin – ” 

“He’ll be crushed!”

“I’m gay!”

The words are too loud for Rin’s tiny room, and they cut through him like a knife, all of the anger and resentment bleeding out of him to be replaced by confusion.  “Huh?”

“I’m gay, and so is Makoto, and we decided to tell everyone we were dating so no one would suspect us – ”

“Makoto’s gay?”

“Yes, we’re both gay, were you even _listening_ to me?”  She growls something under her breath, and Rin doesn’t even pay attention because holy shit, _Makoto’s_ –

“Rin!”

“What!”

“You – you’re okay with me being gay?” 

She looks so tiny all of a sudden, so tired and defeated that Rin sits down and puts an arm around her, hugging her to him as he murmurs, “Yeah, it’s fine.  I still love you.”  He rubs his hand up and down her arm, chafing her until she makes a sound of annoyance.

“Don’t get so sentimental on me, yeesh.”

He scoffs, pulling away and looking down at her wry smile.  “You’re really rude.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Way to ruin the moment.”

**

“Rin?  You wanted to talk?”

 _What the fuck am I even doing_. 

Rin just smiles, ushering Makoto into his room.  Nitori’s gone, kicked out for the night, and Rin’s stomach is twisting in his gut as Makoto brushes past him.  It’s a few days later, and Rin, in a moment of completely lapsed judgment, had thought it a good idea to invite Makoto over.  He really shouldn’t be allowed to function on his own like this.

Makoto sits on the edge of Rin’s bunk, looking up at him expectantly.  “I’m all ears.”

“Right, um.”  Rin coughs, and already his face is heating up.  _Shit_.  “I, uh, talked to Gou, and – ”

“You did?”  Rin hears the change in Makoto’s tone, the sharp tang of panic that makes the bottom drop out of Rin’s stomach.  “What’d she say?”

“I think you know,” he says quietly, looking down at his feet as he listens to the breath go out of Makoto.

“Oh.”

It’s so quiet, Rin isn’t even sure if he heard it, but he’s crashing ahead, his mouth moving before his brain has time to think, blabbering, “But I – it’s totally cool, you know, I – I think you’re – you shouldn’t – I’m not – ”

And Rin suddenly realizes how skeevy this whole situation is – inviting Makoto over, making sure Nitori won’t interrupt – it’s like he’s trying to recreate some sad, pathetic porno in which he seduces his gay sister’s gay boyfriend and fuck, Rin doesn’t even know if Makoto would even be _interested_ in someone like him.  What has he done besides act like a textbook douche ever since he got back?  He’s insulted Makoto, tried getting between him and his best friend, tried _hurting_ his best friend all over some victory mission –

“Fuck.”  Rin puts a hand over his eyes and grimaces.  “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ …”

“What’s wrong?”  Makoto’s standing up, putting his giant supportive hands on Rin’s arms, holding him up as he continues to panic.  “Rin?”

“Fuck, no, Makoto, don’t touch me – ”  Makoto lets go as if he’s been burned, and Rin’s eyes open wide as he realizes what’s been said, his mouth falling open into a shocked ‘o’ as Makoto takes a step back, and before Rin realizes what he’s doing he’s grabbing Makoto’s face and bringing their lips together, his eyes squeezing themselves shut as he lets out a sigh that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding for a very long time.

Makoto makes a strangled noise, breaking free from Rin’s grip long enough to gasp, “W-what are you doing?”

“I have no idea,” Rin admits, his face hot enough that it’s probably a deeper shade of red than his hair.  “But I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

“You – _what_?”

“I just – ” Rin shakes his hands, and he feels like he’s going to vomit, he’s going to puke all over Makoto and it’s going to be horrible but he takes a step forward and reaches out to cup Makoto’s cheek, watching his trembling lips as he murmurs, “I can’t stop thinking about you, it’s the craziest thing.”  He takes a risk and looks up at Makoto’s eyes, smiling sheepishly when he sees the confusion plastered all over his expression.  He swallows, lowering his gaze back to the hand touching Makoto’s face.  “You’re caring,” he adds, “and so gentle, even though you’re a fucking _giant_ …”  He fights the urge to lean in for another kiss when he senses Makoto’s nerves.  “And just.”  He tilts his forehead into Makoto’s chin so all he sees are their clumsy feet as he mumbles, “You make me want to be a better person, so I can be someone you’d like…”  

There are fingers gripping his chin, pulling it up and forcing Rin to look at Makoto’s shining beacon of a face.  “Really?”  And Rin’s going to explode if he’s exposed to that wondering smile any longer, so he flicks his eyes away as he bites out a grumbled “Yeah.”

Makoto lets out a shaky laugh as the hand gripping Rin’s arm slides over to his waist, the fingers conforming to his shape and pulling him in.  Rin can hardly breathe, and then Makoto’s kissing him, and it’s so much better than Rin’s clumsy, pathetic excuse of an attempt but he doesn’t care because _fuck_ this feels so good, so much better than anything he could’ve imagined.  He hears something, a weird buzzing noise, and it isn’t until Makoto starts laughing that he realizes he’s been moaning obscenely into the kiss.

“Fuck,” he groans, drooping until Makoto has to hold him steady, a laugh bursting out of his lungs when they almost fall.  “Shit.”

“Is swearing ever not an option for you?” Makoto laughs, and Rin feels a little delirious soaking it up.

“Fuck, no, I mean – ”  He screws up his eyes, and he can’t believe how stupid he sounds giggling and cursing like some kind of preteen.

“What…  Is this why you invited me over?”  Red floods Rin’s face as he looks away, Makoto’s laughter putting him on edge.  “Are you seducing me?”

“Do you _want_ to be seduced?”  The words are out before Rin can do anything about it, and there’s an awkward silence as Makoto hesitates.

“I… Is that what you want?”

More hesitation, this time from Rin, and then he’s leaning in closer.

 “I want you to fuck me, and then I want to hold hands for a while.  Sound good?”

“Y-yeah…”

Rin doesn’t wait for him to finish his thought before he’s pulling his shirt off and reaching for the bottom of Makoto’s, tugging and pulling and muttering under his breath as the fabric catches, refusing to go up any further.  “Dumb fucking piece of – ”

Makoto laughs, and he gently takes Rin’s hands off of his shirt.  “Let me help.”  Rin goes a bit weak at the knees as he watches the stretch and pull of muscles beneath Makoto’s skin, blushing furiously when Makoto catches him ogling.  “Not much different from your sister, huh?”

Rin looks away.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Makoto leans in for another kiss, and Rin surges forward until they’re falling onto his bed and he scrambles to straddle Makoto’s hips before hunching over him to grab at his lips with his face.  Rin lets out another moan that gets cut short when Makoto shifts underneath him, their crotches coming into contact and lighting Rin’s nerves on fire.  “Oh…” he breathes, and when he looks down at Makoto, he’s a little surprised to see him so embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I just – I was trying to get comfortable – _oh_!”  His eyes go huge as Rin rolls his hips experimentally, the two of them barely able to breathe when he tries again.

“I… I think…”

“We should keep doing that?”

“Y-yeah!”  Rin gives another fluid roll, then another, and he’s brushing his lips over Makoto’s, breathing hotly over his face as he murmurs a string of curses that makes Makoto moan.

“Fuck, you like that, don’t you?”  Rin presses a kiss to Makoto’s open mouth, grinding down on Makoto’s hardening crotch and swallowing the groan it elicits. 

“Just… pants… my pants…”

Rin springs into action, his long fingers undoing Makoto’s pants and sliding them down and he can’t help it when he starts laughing at Makoto’s pink underwear.

“What – what _is_ that?”

Makoto’s hands go up to cover his reddening face.  “My brother put his red underwear in the wash with mine and I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen when you texted me and I forgot I even had them on until now and _stop laughing_!”

Still silently shaking, Rin slides off of Makoto and onto the floor, kneeling before him and completely stripping off his pants.  “That’s adorable.”

Makoto sits up, leaning on his elbows as he watches Rin divest himself of his own pants.  He laughs self-consciously, asking, “Are we really going to do this?”

Rin crawls on top of him, dragging his skin along Makoto’s and carefully looking into his eyes.  “If you don’t want to, I won’t – ”

“No!  No, it’s not that, I want to, it’s just…”

Rin sits back on his heels.  “It’s Haruka.”

“What?”

He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head and wondering how he didn’t realize it before.  “You’re in love with him.”

“I – no, I – ”

“It’s okay,” he sighs, ignoring the shrinking feeling in his chest as he studies the bottom of Nitori’s bunk above him.  “I should’ve realized.  I mean,” he chuckles, “You’re not exactly discreet about it, are you?  Haru this, Haru that, don’t go in the water Haru, we’ll be late for school Har- _umph_.”  He’s shut up by a kiss, and his heart melts a little when he sees the furrow of concentration between Makoto’s brows right in front of his eyes.  When he pulls away, his face is almost as pink as it had been a minute before.

“I _do_ love Haru, but he and I…”  Makoto shrugs, smiling sadly.  “We don’t want the same relationship.  Which is fine, and he’s still my best friend, and I’m still _his_ best friend – why are you frowning?”

“You’re so _nice_!”  Rin screws up his eyes and leans forward until his forehead hits Makoto’s chest.  “And so _respectful_ , fuck, I feel like such a _jerk_ , trying to seduce you like this...”  He feels the vibrations in Makoto’s chest as he chuckles, looking up when he doesn’t say anything.  “What.”

“You’re not a jerk,” he says with a fond smile.  “I mean, you try to act like one, and sometimes you do it very well, but you’re still the same kid who befriended us when we were little.”

Rin can’t help but be a little disgruntled. He doesn’t _try_.  “I don’t – ”

“What, you don’t try?  Your heart is naturally made of stone?”  Makoto’s laughter keeps Rin from feeling any proper anger, but he still scowls and moves away when Makoto tries to swoop in for a kiss.

“Fuck you,” he grumbles, but then Makoto is running a hand up his side, circling his nipple with his thumb and “ _Fuck_ , Makoto…”  His lips get caught in a kiss, and Rin grunts out a strangled moan when Makoto’s teeth bite down gently on Rin’s bottom lip, the sharp pressure making him squirm further up Makoto’s lap.  Their crotches come into contact again, and this time there’s only their underwear separating their hardening cocks and Rin feels lightning shoot through his body.  “Oh!”

Makoto doesn’t say anything in return; he’s too focused on the way Rin keeps humping his erection, biting his lip and huffing through his nose until Rin leans down to suck on his lips, saliva dribbling down his chin as he groans into Rin’s mouth and arches his hips to meet Rin’s halfway.

“Fuck,” Rin gasps, and his thighs constrict around Makoto, squeezing him as he gives another roll of his hips, his fingers digging into Makoto’s shoulders and his mouth landing on Makoto’s neck, biting down and tasting his skin before letting out a hot, shaking breath.  “I’m – fuck, I’m already – ”  His body quivers around Makoto’s as he comes, his semen soaking their underwear and his face heating up as he realizes that he’s just become a victim of premature ejaculation.  “Oh, my God.”

He feels even worse when Makoto’s gentle laughter reaches his ears, and when he pulls away from his neck to look at his face all he can see is green and kindness and lips kissing him as Makoto eases him back onto his pillow before kissing down his body before peeling off his now-disgusting underwear and tossing it aside.  And Rin nearly falls off of the bed when Makoto’s suddenly licking him clean, his too-sensitive skin screaming as Makoto’s tongue runs up his now-sticky shaft.  “Sh-shit!  Makoto…”

Rin doesn’t see Makoto shed his boxers because his eyes are shut tight, but he _does_ feel his bare erection when it slides against his hipbone. 

He yelps, and Makoto snorts, and Rin kicks himself for making such a stupid noise.

“Do you…?”  Rin opens an eye, raises an eyebrow.

“Do I…?”

Makoto blushes.  “I – you said you wanted me to, um…”

“Fuck me?” He goes from pink to red instantly, and Rin feels the twitch of his lips pulling into a half-smile.  “And you need lube,” he says, exposing his teeth in a grin as Makoto buries his head into Rin’s chest.

“Yes,” he mumbles.

Rin reaches behind his head, grabbing the bottle of lube he’d tucked away between his mattress and the bed frame and poking the top of Makoto’s head with it.  “Here.  Use it liberally, I – I’ve never done this before.”  He looks away when Makoto’s face falls open in surprise, frowning at the blush creeping over his face.  “Be gentle, okay?”

“Of course.”  Rin looks back at him when he hesitates, and apparently his question is written all over his face because Makoto adds, “I haven’t… done this yet either.  So.”  He musters up a smile, and Rin opens his legs as Makoto positions himself between them, squirting lube all over his hand and rubbing his palms together to warm it up and _of course he fucking does,_ Rin thinks, trying to hide his smile as Makoto looks up across his twitching stomach.  “Are you ready?” he asks.

“Yes, fuck, just do it, please, just – ”  Rin gasps, and Makoto freezes, his finger stuck about halfway into Rin’s entrance.  “Fuck, no, don’t just _stop_ – ”  He breaks off into a low whine as Makoto starts to gently fuck him, and it’s all he can do not to grind down until Makoto’s knuckle-deep.  “Fuck – more,” he pants, and he grimaces as he feels himself stretch to accommodate another finger. 

“You’re doing so well,” Makoto murmurs.  He’s rubbing Rin’s hip, gently reassuring him that everything’s okay, and it’s enough to make Rin’s cock start aching again.  He reaches down, stroking himself and hoping Makoto can see just how gone he is as another finger is added, and Rin arches his back to press down on it, moaning loudly when Makoto fucks him just a little harder.

“Makoto, I can’t… please… just fuck me, _now_.”  Rin’s eyes fly open when he feels Makoto’s fingers slide out, his breathing ragged as he looks down his body to see Makoto giving his erection a few preparatory strokes, and he starts to doubt his persistence as he notes just how big Makoto is, and he really should have seen this coming, it’s not like he hasn’t been thinking about Makoto’s size before, but…

“Don’t hurt me,” he _squeaks_ , holy shit, he actually _squeaks_ , and Makoto has the grace to simply look baffled as Rin wiggles under his hand, trying to position himself for Makoto.  “I mean,” he grunts, shifting his hips as Makoto watches, completely nonplussed, “Be careful.  I’m delicate.”

“You’re _delicate_.”  Rin hates the charmed half-smile tugging at Makoto’s mouth, but he basks in its presence even as he cringes at himself for saying the dumbest shit.

“I still want you to fuck me, though,” Rin adds, his face serious, and Makoto quickly goes back to his cock, his reddened cheeks emboldening Rin to move his legs further apart, directing Makoto’s attention to more pressing matters.  “Now would be good.”

Makoto reaches for the lube, but he stops, and it’s all Rin can do not to scream and maybe throw a punch or two.  “What about a – a condom?”

“Shit,” he breathes, leaning his head back and trying not to think about the fact that he’s going to spontaneously combust if he doesn’t get fucked immediately, _how_ is Makoto remaining so calm when he hasn’t even come _once_?  “I don’t – there aren’t any, I completely forgot.”

“You don’t want me coming inside you, do you?”

“Fuck, no.”  Rin makes a face, shuddering a bit as he imagines the mess and the _dripping_ – “No, _fuck_ no, just – you’ll have to pull out or something, I don’t know.”

“That’s really gross.”

“That isn’t _helpful_!” 

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t fucking know!”  Rin smears a hand over his face, growling in frustration.  “Try… try checking my desk, I could’ve got one at some Sex Ed thing and forgotten all about it, just _hurry_.”  The last bit is choked out as his aching cock starts to throb, and he shifts his hips restlessly as Makoto hurries across the cramped room, frantically opening and closing drawers until he just stops.  “Dude, no, that’s Nitori’s…”  Rin is utterly stunned when Makoto pulls out a long chain of condoms with a slightly confused look on his face.

“These… aren’t yours?”

 “No…”  Rin is going to have to completely re-evaluate his roommate, but now just isn’t the time for that as Makoto rushes back to the bed, tearing the wrapper and fumbling with the rubber until it’s hugging his erection, and Rin watches with bated breath as he begins preparing himself, one hand on Rin’s knee while the other slicks up his cock. 

They’re silent as Rin watches Makoto’s determination as he positions himself at Rin’s entrance, and he manages to keep his eyes open as Makoto begins pushing in, exhaling shakily as Makoto closes his eyes.  “ _Oh_.”

When he’s in all the way, he groans a little and Rin can barely breathe as he feels himself stretching to accommodate.  “ _Fuck_.”

“Do I… I pull out a bit, right?”

“Haven’t you ever seen porn?” Rin bites out incredulously, and Makoto flushes.

“I… it’s hard, when there’s only one computer for the whole family.”

“Yeah, just pull out, but not all the way!”  Rin’s voice seems to jump an octave as Makoto moves, his hands twisting the sheets in their grip and his back arching up to try to get some leverage, to push up against Makoto as he thrusts, and “Fuck, Makoto, yes – ”

Makoto’s bending over Rin to kiss him, devouring his lips as he pushes him further into the sheets, and Rin starts to pant against Makoto’s open mouth before throwing his head back and moaning, presenting his neck for Makoto to latch on to with his mouth, which is hot and wet and Rin cries out when Makoto hits _something_ deep inside of him – and then Makoto’s thrusting even harder, his inexperience preventing him from finding a smooth rhythm but Rin doesn’t care, he’s scoring angry red lines down Makoto’s back as he jerks beneath him, his cock twitching and leaking and fuck, he’s going, he’s crying out Makoto’s name and pressing himself closer and, “ _Fuck_!” he yells, whining while he comes, and Makoto isn’t far behind, stilling into a quivering mess as he breathes Rin’s name against his neck, and then it’s over, they’re spent, exhausted…

“You’re shaking.”

“Huh?”

Makoto reaches up to cup Rin’s jaw, stroking his thumb across Rin’s cheek as he repeats himself.  “Are you alright?”

Rin looks away, overwhelmed by his concern.  “I’m fine.”

He feels Makoto pull out before he’s being rolled onto his side and enveloped in a warm, slightly damp, slightly sticky embrace.  There’s a kiss pressed to the top of his head as Makoto takes his hand in his, and Rin hopes to God Makoto can’t see or feel the tears burning in his eyes. 

**

“You _cried_?”

“Shut up.”  Rin narrows his eyes as Gou whoops, immediately regretting his decision to tell her.

“No, that’s really sweet,” she insists, despite the glee in her eyes.  “I’m happy for you.”

“I didn’t cry.”

“No, no, I know.”  She puts her hands up.  “Believe me, I do.”

He points a finger at her. “You aren’t telling _anyone_.”

“What, that you have a heart?”

“Ha, ha.”  He manages to keep his scowl as she giggles sweetly and hugs him tightly.

“Thanks, onii-chan,” she mumbles, and for a brief moment Rin thinks he’s imagined it before she adds, “I love you.”

“I… love you too,” he says, awkwardly patting the back of her head.  “What – what exactly did I do?”

She pulls away, looking at him as if he’s really the biggest idiot on the planet.  He’s starting to think he is.  “You’re keeping my secret,” she pertly explains.  “Like I’ll keep yours.”

“You… little shit!”  She laughs as he takes a step away from her in shock.  “You’re using this against me?”

“I’m _looking out for you_ ,” she says, and Rin wants to wipe that goofy, condescending grin right off of her face.  “Whenever you want to reveal this thing with Makoto to others, go ahead.  I’m just watching your back for the time being.”

“I – thank you.” 

She beams.  “That’s what I’m here for, right?”


End file.
